August 19, 2013 by sisterrachelknecht
Dear family and friends,
Once again, I’m sitting here in the Lebanon library, crying. It happens every week. I feel so blessed, and so full of love! I don’t know if my mom put on Facebook that it’s my birthday this Saturday (I’m sure she did, I feel like we make birthdays a really big deal in my family. It’s the day that one of us was born, that we came to this earth! Of course we’re going to celebrate it all month long!), but for all of those who wrote me an email/sent birthday wishes, I am so, so very grateful.
Last week was really hard for me. I had to say sorry a lot.
In the midst of all of this, I was trying to figure out what in the world was making me so angry/sad. I realized that what I felt like I was missing, was love. Love for other people, myself, and love from others. I missed the unconditional love that I’ve always felt from my family. I feel it in letters and emails and packages so strongly, but it’s definitely not instantly gratifying. Instant gratification is damaging a lot of the time, but when you’re sad or upset, being able to instantly talk with your family heals rather than hurts, obviously.
So I’m learning to rely on Heavenly Father and the Savior, which is probably the best lesson I could learn here. I’m learning to feel His love for me, which is far more unconditional than I can comprehend. I felt it in the talk , entitled “Four Titles” by President Uchtdorf, it says (these are some of my favorite parts, but the whole talk was so wonderful):
“I do not believe in a God who would set up rules and commandments only to wait for us to fail so He could punish us. I believe in a Heavenly Father who is loving and caring and who rejoices in our every effort to stand tall and walk toward Him. Even when we stumble, He urges us not to be discouraged—never to give up or flee our allotted field of service—but to take courage, find our faith, and keep trying.
Our Father in Heaven mentors His children and often sends unseen heavenly help to those who desire to follow the Savior”
I love that last line. I prayed for that heavenly help, and truly felt it this week. And in my dad’s letter to me, I was reminded of who I am as a daughter of God, and how He loves me more than I can comprehend. Really though, just as mortals, we really can’t understand how much He loves us. But I love what it says in the scriptures (in several places, and I’m not quoting exactly): “draw near unto me, and I will draw near unto you”. We can understand and feel His love as we draw near unto Him.
So, I’m feeling so much better!
But anyways, the birthday week continues! This past weekend, we worked at the booth we have at the fair! Oh my goodness, it’s so much fun. We just ask people as they walk by if they would like to win a picture of Christ. We have three really nice, framed pictures displayed. Lots of people say no, lots of people say yes. They fill out a survey with four questions about the restored gospel/families, and then check yes or no to whether we can visit them. More than half of the people that fill out surveys check all four questions, including the one about visiting them! So we’re pretty excited about the success we’re having.
And the fair is just way fun too. We watched a hypnotist show, ate corn dogs, funnel cakes, got our Church of Christ cookbooks from their booth. Ah, it’s the best. Fairs are so much better here in the South.
I don’t have much time, and three of the computers in the library are down, so I want to give other people a turn. I mean, I don’t really want to, but I should.
I hope you have the most wonderful week. I’m so grateful for everything.
Love love love,
Hermana Rachel Knecht